Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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