I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
vagina is talking i cant
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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