Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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