Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
