My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
