I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
