Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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