i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
