when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Farmville is her only friend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
