I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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