Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
