just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
