I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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