3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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