I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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