I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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