so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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