genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When are your genitals available?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
