Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
