So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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