Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
