Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
