I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
