It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
