we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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