on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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