cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
