i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
