Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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