first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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