First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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