NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
