Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
