so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
