No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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