Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
