Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
