Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
