i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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