Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's blow job season.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
