He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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