I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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