Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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