DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
