its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
