waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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