My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
