Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
