In the future we'll all be gay
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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