this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
