Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My pussy is not your playground.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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