He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
