I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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