I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
