My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
