I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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