Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize