Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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