the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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