i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's paint friendship bongs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
