I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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