Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
