the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
