Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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