Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize