Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
