He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
