If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I touched a dick in church today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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